Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The end
It all began with the life in primary school
Just the end of PSLE
There was a group of friends I hang out with
I trusted them a lot
Very close with them
Except for one
Cant remember his name
It was thanks to him
I had a feeling
He was the one who influenced the rest
I dunno uh
On one actual day
Hari Raya
We were going out
Then they told me to change my clothes to match with them
And when I came down they told me to meet bus stop nearby
And then they say I was freaking slow they went to bus stop a bit further down
I ran
Ran for them uh
So that I wont make them wait
And when I reached the bus stop
They told me
They already went of
I was too slow
It took me only 5 mins to change and they said I slow?
Its obvious enough
Even an idiot can tell uh
They pang seh me
Ever since then
I didnt have any frens uh
Literally
Primary school frens feel Im such a show of
Yea I step good all that
So literally I suck at being a good fren
I kept blaming myself deep inside
I didnt know what I did to even my close friends
Even they hated me
Either they hate me enough to pang seh me
Or it was that guy I hated who I think uh back then I was so nerd and not cool enough for them uh
Well whatever it is fuck it
I dun give a damn
Thats what I thought
When I entered sec school
I try hard to make friends
VERY HARD
Actually too hard till I dun notice it uh
I was like desperately trying to make friends
I stole lots and lots of money
Make trouble etc
Just to make frens
And eventually I made frens
I got close with a few fren uh
I even fought with some of them
Cos literally
I like to show of
Even got proud of the card games I stole money to buy with
That stupid attitude I could not get over since primary school
I was close to them but no so close
Hoping to get closer to them
Sec 2 just ruined my whole life uh
Everyone of us got into different class
And it just make us distant
Thats when my mind just fucked me up
Everything went hay-wire
I get paranoid easily
It was just a bit
This time I started DotA to get over my sianness
And slowly it helped
I even made friends due to it
I was kinda happy
I became close with them thanks to DotA
And yea I liked Sabrina a lot at that time
I didnt know what happened
Paranoia just took control of me
I couldnt think
Just within few months
I lost complete control
I just snapped when something small happened
I lost my friends
I couldnt talk to Sabrina any longer
I dun even know how the heck I end up stalking her
And scaring her of
I dun even know what happened
I just literally snapped
And everything was over
That was the moment when I desperately needed someone
But I had no one to turn to
The secondary 1 frens Im close to
I just thought they dun care
And I see my parents like the type
Father just work who doesnt care about me
Mother just tell me do this do that
Who cares about me?
I was fucking sian
Fucking depressed
I kept blaming myself
I thought of suiciding uh
But it was stupid
I literally just think whats the point
So I just lead my life thinking one day
Pls just let me die
I dun fucking care anymore
That was the time uh
So I just play DotA to get of my sianness everyday
I didnt tell anyone
I had no one to tell to anyways
Yea it was the start of low self esteem
Shy start
It was the start of looking down on myself
This was hard on me
Till one day in sec 3
To say the truth
I felt saved
I fucking feel accepted by frens
BRYAN, YEA BRYAN LIM TZE MING YOU
YOU FUCKING cock-a-nathan
You're the guy who welcomes everyone
Disturbed me a lot
I felt happy
It was becos of you
Thought I nvr tell you this
Im hoping one day I will tell you
I finally felt accepted
=D
Thanks bryan
Slowly we created out own group the 5 of us
Though 4 of you guys football fanatics
I nvr felt left out
Love you guys
Since that day till sec 4
Normal day uh
The same me
I guess basically the same action me but much lesser
I guess less paranoid
I feel much more secured
But when we enter poly/jc
We're close but a bit distant
Cos bryan went jc and I went poly
Jc a bit too tight schedule
So I understand
I make friends in poly
Get closer to Stone =D
And yea Jamal too
That was fun uh
But then I keep creating small problems big
Quarrel with Jamal over stupid things
Yea my fault
Fucking idiot me
Yea I try to change myself
The action me
And yea it worked uh
But still got a bit
Ok maybe medium la
I dunno la
Im trying my best ok
And thats when I met Galindo again
Old frens, hoping to be close again
Yea lepak etc
And he introduced us a guy name Ajit
Thats when my peaceful life was over
But yea thats when my life was syiok
Like just the old me
I dunno why
I just make everybody pissed
I quarrelled with Ajit
Fuck
That day I fucking felt sad
I didnt know what I did
I think I snapped again
Great uh
That we made up
It was fine
Syiok uh life
There was another side story though
Made frens with kamran, fahmi, lutfi, burhan and icham
It was nice uh being with them
Joke all that
They even bought for me a birthday present
And I cant even treat them nicely
I was just a fucker who left them uh
I dunno why I really left the group
It must have been my paranoia me again
Im sorry, but really I wanna join back again
But I just dunno how...
Till poly year 2
I dunno uh
This time I snapped for fucking no reason
Paranoia took control of me
And everything
The past everything just go out all on me at once
At that point of time
I really
Felt like suicide
I literally was on the verge of drowning myself
Then I realized
Wtf have I been doing
What will people think of me?
That's when I realize
It wasnt anyone's fault
I realized
It was just me
It was just me and my paranoia
And paranoia won
No doubt
That was when I try to get back on feet
This time
For real
Became close with Stone, Jamal, Ajit, Galindo and still with Bryan once in a while
I dunno how it happened uh
Hope we can be close frens all our life
Sorry uh I haven been a good fren all this while
Sorry for my nonsense
Sorry for all my mistakes
Im hoping you guys aint that angry...
Ill try to make it up
Hopefully Im not lazy to do those
=D
One day I will tell you guys these
Im sure this day will come
And yea still thinking...
How to get back to you guys
The emos
IF thats not the name you guys prefer
Im sorry :/
Yea...
I still give up on girls too easily
Yea I know the reason...
This time for real
But I guess not now
And yea fuck you paranoia
This time I win
And you can just get out of me
Aint letting you in my life anymore
Cos this times its for real
Its the end
I just want a new beginning for real
Life goes on
And this is to be continued
For
I am HnF
Just the end of PSLE
There was a group of friends I hang out with
I trusted them a lot
Very close with them
Except for one
Cant remember his name
It was thanks to him
I had a feeling
He was the one who influenced the rest
I dunno uh
On one actual day
Hari Raya
We were going out
Then they told me to change my clothes to match with them
And when I came down they told me to meet bus stop nearby
And then they say I was freaking slow they went to bus stop a bit further down
I ran
Ran for them uh
So that I wont make them wait
And when I reached the bus stop
They told me
They already went of
I was too slow
It took me only 5 mins to change and they said I slow?
Its obvious enough
Even an idiot can tell uh
They pang seh me
Ever since then
I didnt have any frens uh
Literally
Primary school frens feel Im such a show of
Yea I step good all that
So literally I suck at being a good fren
I kept blaming myself deep inside
I didnt know what I did to even my close friends
Even they hated me
Either they hate me enough to pang seh me
Or it was that guy I hated who I think uh back then I was so nerd and not cool enough for them uh
Well whatever it is fuck it
I dun give a damn
Thats what I thought
When I entered sec school
I try hard to make friends
VERY HARD
Actually too hard till I dun notice it uh
I was like desperately trying to make friends
I stole lots and lots of money
Make trouble etc
Just to make frens
And eventually I made frens
I got close with a few fren uh
I even fought with some of them
Cos literally
I like to show of
Even got proud of the card games I stole money to buy with
That stupid attitude I could not get over since primary school
I was close to them but no so close
Hoping to get closer to them
Sec 2 just ruined my whole life uh
Everyone of us got into different class
And it just make us distant
Thats when my mind just fucked me up
Everything went hay-wire
I get paranoid easily
It was just a bit
This time I started DotA to get over my sianness
And slowly it helped
I even made friends due to it
I was kinda happy
I became close with them thanks to DotA
And yea I liked Sabrina a lot at that time
I didnt know what happened
Paranoia just took control of me
I couldnt think
Just within few months
I lost complete control
I just snapped when something small happened
I lost my friends
I couldnt talk to Sabrina any longer
I dun even know how the heck I end up stalking her
And scaring her of
I dun even know what happened
I just literally snapped
And everything was over
That was the moment when I desperately needed someone
But I had no one to turn to
The secondary 1 frens Im close to
I just thought they dun care
And I see my parents like the type
Father just work who doesnt care about me
Mother just tell me do this do that
Who cares about me?
I was fucking sian
Fucking depressed
I kept blaming myself
I thought of suiciding uh
But it was stupid
I literally just think whats the point
So I just lead my life thinking one day
Pls just let me die
I dun fucking care anymore
That was the time uh
So I just play DotA to get of my sianness everyday
I didnt tell anyone
I had no one to tell to anyways
Yea it was the start of low self esteem
Shy start
It was the start of looking down on myself
This was hard on me
Till one day in sec 3
To say the truth
I felt saved
I fucking feel accepted by frens
BRYAN, YEA BRYAN LIM TZE MING YOU
YOU FUCKING cock-a-nathan
You're the guy who welcomes everyone
Disturbed me a lot
I felt happy
It was becos of you
Thought I nvr tell you this
Im hoping one day I will tell you
I finally felt accepted
=D
Thanks bryan
Slowly we created out own group the 5 of us
Though 4 of you guys football fanatics
I nvr felt left out
Love you guys
Since that day till sec 4
Normal day uh
The same me
I guess basically the same action me but much lesser
I guess less paranoid
I feel much more secured
But when we enter poly/jc
We're close but a bit distant
Cos bryan went jc and I went poly
Jc a bit too tight schedule
So I understand
I make friends in poly
Get closer to Stone =D
And yea Jamal too
That was fun uh
But then I keep creating small problems big
Quarrel with Jamal over stupid things
Yea my fault
Fucking idiot me
Yea I try to change myself
The action me
And yea it worked uh
But still got a bit
Ok maybe medium la
I dunno la
Im trying my best ok
And thats when I met Galindo again
Old frens, hoping to be close again
Yea lepak etc
And he introduced us a guy name Ajit
Thats when my peaceful life was over
But yea thats when my life was syiok
Like just the old me
I dunno why
I just make everybody pissed
I quarrelled with Ajit
Fuck
That day I fucking felt sad
I didnt know what I did
I think I snapped again
Great uh
That we made up
It was fine
Syiok uh life
There was another side story though
Made frens with kamran, fahmi, lutfi, burhan and icham
It was nice uh being with them
Joke all that
They even bought for me a birthday present
And I cant even treat them nicely
I was just a fucker who left them uh
I dunno why I really left the group
It must have been my paranoia me again
Im sorry, but really I wanna join back again
But I just dunno how...
Till poly year 2
I dunno uh
This time I snapped for fucking no reason
Paranoia took control of me
And everything
The past everything just go out all on me at once
At that point of time
I really
Felt like suicide
I literally was on the verge of drowning myself
Then I realized
Wtf have I been doing
What will people think of me?
That's when I realize
It wasnt anyone's fault
I realized
It was just me
It was just me and my paranoia
And paranoia won
No doubt
That was when I try to get back on feet
This time
For real
Became close with Stone, Jamal, Ajit, Galindo and still with Bryan once in a while
I dunno how it happened uh
Hope we can be close frens all our life
Sorry uh I haven been a good fren all this while
Sorry for my nonsense
Sorry for all my mistakes
Im hoping you guys aint that angry...
Ill try to make it up
Hopefully Im not lazy to do those
=D
One day I will tell you guys these
Im sure this day will come
And yea still thinking...
How to get back to you guys
The emos
IF thats not the name you guys prefer
Im sorry :/
Yea...
I still give up on girls too easily
Yea I know the reason...
This time for real
But I guess not now
And yea fuck you paranoia
This time I win
And you can just get out of me
Aint letting you in my life anymore
Cos this times its for real
Its the end
I just want a new beginning for real
Life goes on
And this is to be continued
For
I am HnF
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]