tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54365167336793544132012-02-16T22:56:05.413+08:00HnFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18134203132817843956noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5436516733679354413.post-86359481420837354942011-08-16T01:08:00.004+08:002011-11-01T12:08:55.162+08:00It all began with the life in primary school<br />Just the end of PSLE<br />There was a group of friends I hang out with<br />I trusted them a lot<br />Very close with them<br />Except for one<br />Cant remember his name<br />It was thanks to him<br />I had a feeling<br />He was the one who influenced the rest<br />I dunno uh<br />On one actual day<br />Hari Raya<br />We were going out<br />Then they told me to change my clothes to match with them<br />And when I came down they told me to meet bus stop nearby<br />And then they say I was freaking slow they went to bus stop a bit further down<br />I ran<br />Ran for them uh<br />So that I wont make them wait<br />And when I reached the bus stop<br />They told me<br />They already went of<br />I was too slow<br />It took me only 5 mins to change and they said I slow?<br />Its obvious enough<br />Even an idiot can tell uh<br />They pang seh me<br />Ever since then<br />I didnt have any frens uh<br />Literally<br />Primary school frens feel Im such a show of<br />Yea I step good all that<br />So literally I suck at being a good fren<br />I kept blaming myself deep inside<br />I didnt know what I did to even my close friends<br />Even they hated me<br />Either they hate me enough to pang seh me<br />Or it was that guy I hated who I think uh back then I was so nerd and not cool enough for them uh<br />Well whatever it is fuck it<br />I dun give a damn<br />Thats what I thought<br /><br />When I entered sec school<br />I try hard to make friends<br />VERY HARD<br />Actually too hard till I dun notice it uh<br />I was like desperately trying to make friends<br />I stole lots and lots of money<br />Make trouble etc<br />Just to make frens<br />And eventually I made frens<br />I got close with a few fren uh<br />I even fought with some of them<br />Cos literally<br />I like to show of<br />Even got proud of the card games I stole money to buy with<br />That stupid attitude I could not get over since primary school<br />I was close to them but no so close<br />Hoping to get closer to them<br />Sec 2 just ruined my whole life uh<br />Everyone of us got into different class<br />And it just make us distant<br />Thats when my mind just fucked me up<br />Everything went hay-wire<br />I get paranoid easily<br />It was just a bit<br />This time I started DotA to get over my sianness<br />And slowly it helped<br />I even made friends due to it<br />I was kinda happy<br />I became close with them thanks to DotA<br />And yea I liked Sabrina a lot at that time<br />I didnt know what happened<br />Paranoia just took control of me<br />I couldnt think<br />Just within few months<br />I lost complete control<br />I just snapped when something small happened<br />I lost my friends<br />I couldnt talk to Sabrina any longer<br />I dun even know how the heck I end up stalking her<br />And scaring her of<br />I dun even know what happened<br />I just literally snapped<br />And everything was over<br />That was the moment when I desperately needed someone<br />But I had no one to turn to<br />The secondary 1 frens Im close to<br />I just thought they dun care<br />And I see my parents like the type<br />Father just work who doesnt care about me<br />Mother just tell me do this do that<br />Who cares about me?<br />I was fucking sian<br />Fucking depressed<br />I kept blaming myself<br />I thought of suiciding uh<br />But it was stupid<br />I literally just think whats the point<br />So I just lead my life thinking one day<br />Pls just let me die<br />I dun fucking care anymore<br />That was the time uh<br />So I just play DotA to get of my sianness everyday<br />I didnt tell anyone<br />I had no one to tell to anyways<br /><br />Yea it was the start of low self esteem<br />Shy start<br />It was the start of looking down on myself<br />This was hard on me<br />Till one day in sec 3<br />To say the truth<br />I felt saved<br />I fucking feel accepted by frens<br />BRYAN, YEA BRYAN LIM TZE MING YOU<br />YOU FUCKING cock-a-nathan<br />You're the guy who welcomes everyone<br />Disturbed me a lot<br />I felt happy<br />It was becos of you<br />Thought I nvr tell you this<br />Im hoping one day I will tell you<br />I finally felt accepted<br />=D<br />Thanks bryan<br />Slowly we created out own group the 5 of us<br />Though 4 of you guys football fanatics<br />I nvr felt left out<br />Love you guys<br />Since that day till sec 4<br />Normal day uh<br />The same me<br />I guess basically the same action me but much lesser<br />I guess less paranoid<br />I feel much more secured<br /><br />But when we enter poly/jc<br />We're close but a bit distant<br />Cos bryan went jc and I went poly<br />Jc a bit too tight schedule<br />So I understand<br />I make friends in poly<br />Get closer to Stone =D<br />And yea Jamal too<br />That was fun uh<br />But then I keep creating small problems big<br />Quarrel with Jamal over stupid things<br />Yea my fault<br />Fucking idiot me<br />Yea I try to change myself<br />The action me<br />And yea it worked uh<br />But still got a bit<br />Ok maybe medium la<br />I dunno la<br />Im trying my best ok<br />And thats when I met Galindo again<br />Old frens, hoping to be close again<br />Yea lepak etc<br />And he introduced us a guy name Ajit<br />Thats when my peaceful life was over<br />But yea thats when my life was syiok<br />Like just the old me<br />I dunno why<br />I just make everybody pissed<br />I quarrelled with Ajit<br />Fuck<br />That day I fucking felt sad<br />I didnt know what I did<br />I think I snapped again<br />Great uh<br />That we made up<br />It was fine<br />Syiok uh life<br /><br />There was another side story though<br />Made frens with kamran, fahmi, lutfi, burhan and icham<br />It was nice uh being with them<br />Joke all that<br />They even bought for me a birthday present<br />And I cant even treat them nicely<br />I was just a fucker who left them uh<br />I dunno why I really left the group<br />It must have been my paranoia me again<br />Im sorry, but really I wanna join back again<br />But I just dunno how...<br /><br />Till poly year 2<br />I dunno uh<br />This time I snapped for fucking no reason<br />Paranoia took control of me<br />And everything<br />The past everything just go out all on me at once<br />At that point of time<br />I really<br />Felt like suicide<br />I literally was on the verge of drowning myself<br />Then I realized<br />Wtf have I been doing<br />What will people think of me?<br />That's when I realize<br />It wasnt anyone's fault<br />I realized<br />It was just me<br />It was just me and my paranoia<br />And paranoia won<br />No doubt<br />That was when I try to get back on feet<br />This time<br />For real<br /><br />Became close with Stone, Jamal, Ajit, Galindo and still with Bryan once in a while<br />I dunno how it happened uh<br />Hope we can be close frens all our life<br />Sorry uh I haven been a good fren all this while<br />Sorry for my nonsense<br />Sorry for all my mistakes<br />Im hoping you guys aint that angry...<br />Ill try to make it up<br />Hopefully Im not lazy to do those<br />=D<br />One day I will tell you guys these<br />Im sure this day will come<br /><br />And yea still thinking...<br />How to get back to you guys<br />The emos<br />IF thats not the name you guys prefer<br />Im sorry :/<br /><br />Yea...<br />I still give up on girls too easily<br />Yea I know the reason...<br />This time for real<br />But I guess not now<br /><br />And yea fuck you paranoia<br />This time I win<br />And you can just get out of me<br />Aint letting you in my life anymore<br /><br />Cos this times its for real<br />Its the end<br />I just want a new beginning for real<br /><br />Life goes on<br />And this is to be continued<br /><br />For<br />I am HnF<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/5436516733679354413-8635948142083735494?l=iamhnf.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HnFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18134203132817843956noreply@blogger.com0